In the life of someone who stutters

Hello. I stutter.

If you're not familiar with what a stutter is, stuttering is a communication and disfluency disorder where the flow of speech is interrupted. Yes, everyone stutters sometimes. But some people actually have a speech disorder in which their stuttering occurs continuously and cannot produce a normal flow of speech.

Stuttering is characterized by repetition of sounds, syllables, or words; prolongation of sounds; and interruptions in speech known as blocks. Some people may refer to stuttering as a stammer (such as in the King's Speech movie). An individual who stutters, such as myself, knows exactly what he or she would like to say but has trouble producing a normal flow of speech. We may compensate by changing or avoiding certain words, shortening our sentences or just not saying what we want to say all together. This is frustrating. Can you imagine not being able to express yourself the way you want to?

This is the life I live everyday.

There are many people who actually have no idea that I stutter, including many people I went to high school with, many teachers, parents of kids I have coached soccer, acquaintances, patients, co-workers, previous bosses, cousins, distant family members. I've been pretty good at hiding my stutter with those I do not come into contact with frequently. I tend to to avoid long conversations with those I am not close to and use small talk and avoidance of certain letters that I stutter on the most (b, d, f, n and r). If I have ever had a conversation with you, and I seemed as if I was being rude by not talking much or not prolonging the conversation. I promise you, I'm not being rude. I just simply can't talk LOL.

Recently I have been learning to be more accepting of my stutter. I'm not fully there yet, but, I'm working on it. I would not trade in all those years of frustration, hiding, embarrassment or pain for another life. Stuttering has sculpted me into who I am today. I find I'm more accepting, understanding and empathetic because of my stutter. I pay close attention to the details and look at things in a context of what they really are. Writing this blog is an attempt at helping me overcome my stuttering shame. Stuttering shame actually plays a big factor in our stutter. If our shame increases, our stutter gets worse, as our shame decreases our stutter becomes less prominent. I'm also writing this in attempt to educate others on what it's like for someone who has a stutter and how to interact with them. This is especially important if you're a healthcare provider like myself. Understanding and empathy are key.

5 tips for interacting with someone who has a stutter

I know, my stutter is not your problem. However, there are many children, teenagers and adults with a stutter. Actually 70 million people have a stutter worldwide. That's 1% of the total population. There are also many famous people who have a stutter including Ed Sheeran, Channing Tatum & Emily Blunt. You will surely run into someone who has a stutter in your lifetime, and yes, although it is not your problem, these are some things you can do to be supportive and create a comfortable environment for someone who has a stutter.

1. Don't finish our sentences! This is one of the worst things you can do, even though I know when people do this they think they are helping us. Finishing our sentences makes us feel rushed, it makes us feel like you don't have the time to let us talk on our own, it makes us feel like we are incapable of expressing ourselves and saying what we want to say on our own. Sure, it might take us a little longer, but we CAN say it by ourselves. Please be patient and wait the extra few seconds it may take us to get out a sentence instead of finishing it for us. We know what we want to say.

2. Keep eye contact. I notice this even with my closest friends, when I start to stutter or have a block, they look away or look down. This doesn't help. Again, I know people may think it may help us to avoid looking at us when were stuttering but it just makes it more embarrassing. Keep natural eye contact with us.

3. Know that people who stutter don't stutter because they're nervous. Nervousness is not the cause of our stutter. Although my speech does get worse when I'm nervous (such as public speaking and talking on the phone/drive thru), it is not the root cause of the problem. Stuttering is a genetically influenced neurological condition that is caused by an abnormal neurological development during childhood, it is not widely understood. Please don't tell us to not be nervous or to calm down, this isn't the problem (neuro-scientists don't even know what the problem is, so I can assure you that you don't).

4. Pay attention to your body language. Secondhand embarrassment is a real thing and we can tell when you're feeling embarrassed for us by your body language. This increases our anxiety and can make us not want to express ourselves or talk anymore. Listen to the content of our speech and try not to focus on how it's being delivered. Try to listen to what were actually saying, no matter how hard I know it can be.

5. Treat us with the same level of respect as you would anyone else. Those who stutter are not any less intelligent than those who do not. We may look like idiots when we talk, but I promise you it does not damage our IQ ;)

Three social encounters that we absolutely hate

Although there are many social encounters we avoid or don't want to participate in, I think all of us who stutter can agree on these 3 experiences that we hate the most.

1. Going around the room and introducing ourselves. This is #1 for a reason. This is the absolute most terrifying thing for me. I fear this every time I start a new semester in university and have a new teacher. I fear this every time I attend an event where people don't know me. I fear this every time we have a guest speaker in class because I know that they're going to ask us to go around the room, introduce ourselves, say where we're from and one fact about ourselves. Do you know how hard it is for me to say my own name? Hands down the most difficult word for me to say. I am so very jealous of those who are able to say their own name so easily, without even thinking about it. The only way I am able to get through this fluently and without having a severe anxiety attack in the back of classroom, is if I go first. If I get to go first, there's no time to build up anxiety, no time to repeat my name in my head 987 times, no time to go over every word I'm going to say and what words I'm going to try to avoid. Sometimes I even write down my own name and what I'm going to say on a note in my phone or on a paper in-front of me so at least I have it there in case I forget because my anxiety gets so bad. Teachers/professors, if you're reading this and you know of a student in your class who stutters, please be nice and try to limit how many times a year you make us do this and ask us to start off. Trust me, they will be very, very thankful.

2. Talking on the phone. Talking on the phone is another one of the hardest things for myself and most people who stutter. Picking up a telephone is like picking up a live cobra to us. If we can avoid it, we do. If someone calls me, I have no problem answering it and answering their questions. However, if I have to call someone to make an appointment, discuss an issue, etc., it is SO hard for me. Oh, you want me to call and order a pizza? Haha... no problem, I'll just drive to the pizza place, order the pizza in person and wait myself. It's so much easier to order food, book an appointment, discuss an issue in person for me. It's still not easy, but it is much EASIER. I also have the same issue ordering in drive thru's. I personally, will go out of my way to go inside and order my coffee from Tim Horton's or order food from a fast food place just so I don't have to talk on the intercom. If I'm in a car with someone, and they ask me to stop to a drive thru to get something to eat/drink, I will make up EVERY excuse of why I need to go inside instead (bathroom is usually the excuse), and I will just get it for you when I go in.

3. Presentations. Any type of presentation is nerve-wrecking and ignites anxiety for anyone, stutter or no stutter. But, not being able to actually talk clearly during your presentation makes it much worse. On top of all the anxiety presentations cause, those who stutter have to fear not being able to say certain words in their presentation, not being able to introduce themselves, not being able to be understood, etc. It is very embarrassing to get up in front of any amount of people and stutter on sooo many words throughout your presentation. Whenever I do a presentation, I look around the room and I see so many heads down, because I know they don't want to make me feel embarrassed by looking at my mouth when I stutter, but, when I see this it feels degrading and unequal. The last presentation I completed, I'm not even sure how anyone could understand me because I literally could NOT talk. Usually if I have something in front of me to read, I can get through it with minimal blocks or stammers. Presenting off the top of my head is completely impossible, I can guarantee you I will not be able to get out a word. I'm aware that many universities have policies in place for those with speech disorders such as stuttering that exempt them from presentations. However, I was never given this opportunity, nor do I want it. I want to be able to present in front of people, I know I can do it, but, for now, it is one of my most hated encounters.